betony_love

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Jan. 29th, 2006 @ 08:34 pm I got nudged.

Someone sent me a nudge to update, even though he SHOULD add my regular journal. - just a sweet hint :)
I wish I had some amazing kink stories to add here. You have no idea how badly I wish I had new things to write about.
I am so pent up, wet and a little out of my mind.

Sadly, things have been very slow for me. I still can't openly be with the man I want and we have been extremely well behaved for months now. One difficulty of some poly situations is that things cannot always advance at the speed everyone would prefer.

The setback has caused some frustration and some bickering but his handling of the situation has just strengthened my resolve. I have never had anyone take such pains to make me feel safe and cared for. I was in such a hurry to submit to him and to experience all the sensations I am curious about that I hadn't wanted to wait.

Putting things on hold for so long has taught me a better lesson. The time has ripened our relationship. We have had to stay focused and find ways to show our caring without being too improper or being disrespectful. It has been a challenge.

Impossible as it is to be with him or talk about him I am still grateful for the bits I get.

Unfortunately, I have missed feeling his control and have been acting up a bit because of that. It was never intentional but I have been pushing boundaries. I couldn't figure out why I was getting so angry, then hurt, then happy. Mood swings under describes the situation. Mostly, I want him to tell me he loves me and that it will be okay soon and to tighten my leash a little.

So we talked a long time last night. He reassured me in that weird logic way he has and promised me that he would go back to taking a little more control over me.

My previously racing mind settled down immediately and I felt quiet and calm. it is so weird how our brains work.

But I am looking forward to the future and hope to keep this sense or tranquility for a long, long time

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Jun. 5th, 2005 @ 11:08 am he asked

Resting on my back, I let my hand slide over my waist.

I remember the first spank. Involuntarily, my back arches, my pussy tightens. I run my hand down between my thighs resting my palm on my clit.
I remember the next swat. My wetness doubles, I start to feel the slickness on the tips of my fingers.

Content. at least as content as I've been. Of course, I still want you again. I guess the slut in me wins once more.
I remember your cum in my mouth, forcing me to orgasm. It replays how swallowing turned almost impossible because I came so hard. I bask in what a sweet problem it was.
My cunt pulses a few times

closer

Clearly, the sound plays in my head. The words fade in and out but the percussion of the slap is distinct. I want them to fall so much harder but the pain still scares me.
( and closer still )

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Jun. 3rd, 2005 @ 09:18 pm faint

I want to write about it and have it be as beautiful as it felt.
My mind is too garbled and my skills certainly not up to the task.

I have never been just held so tight before.

He said he took it easy on me.

Face down, swats landing, perfect. Apparently I don't listen as closely as he would like.

Bodily directed to his whims. Grabbed by my hair pulled to where he wanted.

I just don't have all the words.

So for now..

it was

perfect.

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May. 16th, 2005 @ 08:28 pm my heart stops

He said the words,

"Count for me, slut."

And I did, slowly,
one number,
out loud,
with each orgasm.

"Faster, girl. Don't disappoint me"

And I try, needing,
wishing,
to come.
just for him.
Again, and again
Until the skin was raw.

" I can't, I can't anymore."

I choke back the urge to call him Daddy. I want to but can't say it out loud yet.
Tears fill my eyes but don't drop.
"I can't"

I feel his arms around me, I hear him whisper reassuringly.

His words, his voice,
coax one more from me,
dripping wet, exhausted,
He is satisfied for now.

I want to drift off to sleep.
"I love you, Daddy"
too quiet to be heard,
or at least
he pretends he doesn't.

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May. 8th, 2005 @ 11:38 pm and the neglect

I should easily be able to keep up with this. Mostly, I haven't been posting much because I am so frustrated. Really, I have been writing like crazy. I just haven't gotten over feeling strange about sharing these things.

When in doubt go back to the beginning. Instinctively, I have always been drawn to certain fantasies, activities and even questions.

My fantasies have always been a bit dark which I had not really thought of until doing a little reading. Seems to be quite a number of people interested in D/s share this trait.
I remember being three, maybe four, years old and dreaming about being kidnapped by some evil wizard and being tied up in his dungeon. It ran about half and half on whether or not I would be rescued by the hero and go off to live a life of sweetness.
( Because it got longer than I meant it to )

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Apr. 20th, 2005 @ 04:09 pm First things firts

A wonderful man is putting the sweet details of his experiences here on LJ. I created this so I can keep up with the juicy details. I hope to add some of my own stories and whatnots soon. For the most part I am beginning to explore submission - which has never been my strong suit.

I suspect I will learn some very interesting tricks in the long run.
I hope I meet some wonderful people and find out more about myself on the way.

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